Once again. I was unable to do anything.

Every single time, I am too late. And by the time I get past the crowd of people that surrounds you, it's already over.

I'm not good enough. I guess I never will be. There was no trust on your part to begin with. I was just living in my own dream and now, it's time to say goodbye.

But I can't.

If I let you go, it would be a lie to say that a part of me would not die. So please. Bear with me a little longer until I can stand on my own. Just a little longer and you'll be free. Just a little longer and I will put an end to the chapter I had in your story.

Even if reality says otherwise,
I still choose to believe you.

Forgive me for not updating properly for quite some time but it's only because my life is boring and uneventful.

Seriously, if I was to type out how my day went, it would be something like this:

I woke up at 8 plus.

My mother was still sleeping.

So I did'nt get out of bed.

My mother woke up some time later.

Then I decided to get out of bed.

It was 9.

I ate my breakfast.

Bread and milo.

My mother asked me why I woke up so early.

I said "Cause my natural body alarm asked me to wake up."

Then my mother said some other things.

Blah blah blah.

Finished my breakfast and washed the cup.

And my mother said "You better find your Physics assessment book and start your revision today!"

And I was like ok ok ok ok.

Then my mother plucked a white hair from my head.

It hurt.

Quite alot.

My mother must have a bad technique.

Then I brushed my teeth.

I realised that I still have'nt bought my schoolbooks.

So I told my mother.

And she was like"Where's the book list? Why did'nt you tell me yesterday?"

I forgot.

So I switched on the computer cause I needed to print out the book list.

My mother was still nagging.

Sigh.

I printed out the book list.

Then I went to my class portal.

Cause I needed to type my mother's email address in an excel file.

But it turns out that I could'nt.

):

So I went and looked at other people's blogs.

And my mother kept giving alot of ideas.

"Why don't you attach another file? Why don't you do this this this?"

I got irritated.

Then I regretted.

I signed in to MSN to ask other people.

Saw none of my classmates online.

@#$%

But I saw a friend.

Asked her about the emails I sent her.

There were problems so I had to resend two pictures.

Then she had to go offline.

Cause her sister was going to turn bitchy.

She said bye.

And I said bye.

Sent the remaining pictures to her via email.

Decided to blog while attaching the photos.

So here I am.

I'm going to do my homework later.

Damn.

Finally sent all the photos.

I feel tired.

It's 11.

So let the rain wash away our sins
for which we cannot bear.

I should be doing my very not nice homework.

Anyway, I read spikedog's blog just now. Sad guy. I wish I could do something about it. I don't symphatise with him. I emphatise with him. That's different.

I shall elaborate the next time cause I really need to get back to the pen and paper.

If only

The lie was you.
And yet the truth was your lies.

I have been thinking about something these few days. Should I go or should I stay? What is it that I truly want?

They say that I am a coward and maybe I am? I fear being a failure in the face of change. I fear being unable to adapt and losing everything that I had already acheived but when I look at the relatives that have come here, I wonder to myself, maybe this is where I need to go. Maybe this is where I need to go if I really want to get what I want.

But there are certain things that I can't bear to let go off.

The limitation of fear.

Disappointed.

I shall type 10 random things about myself that people might or might not know:

1) I don't like the smell of food on my hands.
2) I get lonely easily. Don't laugh.
3) I hate to say this but I crave acknowledgement
4) I tend to contradict and change my views and opinions alot and it's due to the fact that I think too much.
5) I have a wide and diverse taste in the type of music that I like.
6) Do you really want to continue reading this?
7) There are many things I notice just that I don't say it.
8) People are usually unable to tell how I am feeling.
9) Typing in this blog makes me kind of pissed sometimes because I feel like people are looking at some free show.
10) I think that I regret saying no at that time.

So how many of the things stated above about me did you know?

P.S: If you think that I'm alright, then you don't know me.

So let the guilt kill me and your hate blind you.

I really need to talk to someone right now or I might just go crazy. But there's no one for me talk to.

Goddamn it.

I'm sorry for how I was today. I think that you probably know that I was kind of down today. And if you want to know the reason, I can say it but you will probably laugh at me or maybe you won't. Who knows. I'm sorry. You came all the way here only to see me in a foul mood. You don't deserve it. I'm sorry.

I will type the rest of my feelings in a private post in my lj. If you want to see it, you can. Depending on who you are.

Emptiness eats away the heart like wildfire.