I should be doing my very not nice homework.

Anyway, I read spikedog's blog just now. Sad guy. I wish I could do something about it. I don't symphatise with him. I emphatise with him. That's different.

I shall elaborate the next time cause I really need to get back to the pen and paper.

If only

The lie was you.
And yet the truth was your lies.

I have been thinking about something these few days. Should I go or should I stay? What is it that I truly want?

They say that I am a coward and maybe I am? I fear being a failure in the face of change. I fear being unable to adapt and losing everything that I had already acheived but when I look at the relatives that have come here, I wonder to myself, maybe this is where I need to go. Maybe this is where I need to go if I really want to get what I want.

But there are certain things that I can't bear to let go off.

The limitation of fear.

Disappointed.

I shall type 10 random things about myself that people might or might not know:

1) I don't like the smell of food on my hands.
2) I get lonely easily. Don't laugh.
3) I hate to say this but I crave acknowledgement
4) I tend to contradict and change my views and opinions alot and it's due to the fact that I think too much.
5) I have a wide and diverse taste in the type of music that I like.
6) Do you really want to continue reading this?
7) There are many things I notice just that I don't say it.
8) People are usually unable to tell how I am feeling.
9) Typing in this blog makes me kind of pissed sometimes because I feel like people are looking at some free show.
10) I think that I regret saying no at that time.

So how many of the things stated above about me did you know?

P.S: If you think that I'm alright, then you don't know me.

So let the guilt kill me and your hate blind you.

I really need to talk to someone right now or I might just go crazy. But there's no one for me talk to.

Goddamn it.

I'm sorry for how I was today. I think that you probably know that I was kind of down today. And if you want to know the reason, I can say it but you will probably laugh at me or maybe you won't. Who knows. I'm sorry. You came all the way here only to see me in a foul mood. You don't deserve it. I'm sorry.

I will type the rest of my feelings in a private post in my lj. If you want to see it, you can. Depending on who you are.

Emptiness eats away the heart like wildfire.

I'm supposed to be doing my composition but whatever. I can't stand writing it cause the storyline is supremely lame but teachers love lame compositions so I'll freakin give them a composition so lame that they will suffocate because of it's lameness.

Anyway, I am currently reading Tora Dora and it's really quite nice. The drawings are good and the story is touching and funny at the same time so if you have the time, please go and read it.

I might post again later in the day. My mind is currently in a contemplative state.Actually, I'm kind of sad.

To crave for what I cannot have.
Is that a sin?

I'm posting up another link but this time, it's a song. It's called "Unchained Melody" and it's the theme from the movie "Ghost" and no, contrary to its name, ghost is not a horror movie but its the love story between a woman and a ghost. Some of you may have heard this song before.

Unchained melody: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIZnx1vQ9gY&feature=related

Here's another song that you all might want to try listening to. It's called "Moonlight sonata" and its by Beethoven. It talks about the unrequited love that Beethoven had for a woman.

Moonlight sonata: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2cFEHM9yMw&feature=related

Enjoy.

Hey, I have posted a few links of videos that I really enjoyed. They are really funny so if you have the time, please go and watch them.

The ipod human: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Phbe8mEDMe4&feature=channel
Things I like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBBleNvbXt4&feature=channel
A message to all haters: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXFCPUlGYEM&feature=channel
Subliminal messaging: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MqYiZiPl1o&feature=channel
Rant on stink people: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsUtjhXx6DI&feature=channel
5 Nigahiga facts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOgooJ0ZL_4&feature=channel
The Ninja Glare:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xeje_pp_NyA&feature=channel
How to be UFC fighter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12wc8LpEBhw&feature=channel
Ranting about music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sH3LMGiCxVs&feature=channel
Rant on nosy people: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixAp4c-1-TU&feature=channel
Rant on A.D.D: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzfDMe0y8TQ&feature=channel
Rant on comments: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLF1rMC-D0A&feature=channel
Sorry fans, blame my A.D.D: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fr02VqwQOA&feature=channel
I wanna play a game: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7BZ6bi3IbM&feature=channel
Barbie girl: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwutQuHdyPY&feature=channel
Thanksgiving campaign: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQwQkRc7bBU&feature=channel
The stalking Mangina preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIokBmqq6A0&feature=channel_page

Don't go. Is it enough if I say this?

Was the wedding fun?

Did I say too much yesterday? I think I did. I'm sorry.

Do you hate me now?

I wonder if it is better to not have a heart. Without a heart, one would have no feelings. Without a heart, I would'nt feel anything. Why was I given a life? I ask you, what importance is there in our exsistence? We only take and take but never give. What is the reason behind being a human? If we are only going to be zombies in the rat race, I ask you, what point was there in giving us brain?

What point was there in making us human when I see so little compassion around me? To fight for glory, to fight for religion. I ask you, in the end what do we get? Is there no mercy even after seeing the body count rise continually? Blood from the innocent are being shed, but those who carry the power of jugdement are still living and brainwashing those who have no will of their own. Yet, they hold onto nuclear power. Is it necessary to create those weapons of mass destruction and destroy this place when in the end, those who die are the civilians? In the end, those who are sacrificed are those who hold no guns or nation in their hand.

I ask you, can you not see what has happened in history? Must it be repeated? Is the greed in human nature too hard to curb? Is there not enough pain and suffering in this world such that more has to be added on? Where has the guilt and remorse gone too? Do tears only seem like rain?

And so I ask you one more time, is it worth it?

Judgement comes in the form of a trigger.

Breathing doesn't equate to living.

I'm sick and tired of myself. Whats wrong with me? I know that its bad to procrastinate but I just can't seem to bring to myself to do my homework. Why must I always do this to myself? Why can't I learn from mistakes? Freakin teachers. They get to go on a freaking holiday while we still have to care about homework. Freakin hypocrites and sadists.

And now I'm feeling lonely for some stupid reason. Stupid brain. Why can't you think better.

Argh! I need to start doing my homework now so what am I doing! Stupid homework! It's just a piece of friggin paper and yet its controlling me like a puppet. Friggin paper. Burn like you are meant to. Why can't the teachers let me do what I want for once? I want to spend my holidays drawing and practicing my french horn and piano. Why must you all take away my freedom? Why is it that education only seems to take things away from me. Freakin system.

Do numbers mean more than a dream?