I seem to never fully remove myself from despair. Even though I've told myself to be positive, this despair taunts me and question why I even choose to be breathing.

I feel like I'm a shell. There is nothing substantial inside of me. Maybe that's why I'm always left behind. I really wonder what those people on Facebook do to have so many likes. What do they do that makes their life seem so exciting? What is it that they have as a human which attracts others to them?

Why can't I be one of those smiling silly idiots on Facebook?

I'm starting to question if I'm even taking the right course. Because if I am, why do I feel so empty inside?

There are days when I wish to reject everything around me. I just want to destroy this normalcy that we have created because this normalcy doesn't apply to me. I always feel different from others. I feel as though I'm lost in translation. It's as if everyone else on the planet has a common notice board except me. Sometimes, I don't even know if this me is an existence I have created myself or something molded by others.

People who have many friends always say how tiring it is but such people have never known what it is to be truly alone. It's as if you're stuck on another planet and no matter how much you scream, no one heeds you.

I plead for him to take me where he is
and return this life to another.

What if I said that my feelings have never changed?

Would you run from me? Or brush away these emotions?

Or would you give me a look of disappointment for pulling the skeletons out of the closet?

No matter your response, I only know that I am sorry.

Desperate whispers burn at the back of my throat. 

So yea my previous post might have offended any geniuses that came here to lower their IQ. Rest assured geniuses, I'm not talking about all of you, I'm talking about the really screwed up ones (Insert a mandatory big smiley here).

Okay I've decided to do a different style of posting. I'm just gonna post any crap that comes to my mind. Everything's gonna be uncensored. I'm going to be so frank. Yea no hidden messages and stuff. And when I mean uncensored, I mean there's gonna be SWEAR WORDS IN BIG CAPS. Okay so maybe not. But there may be some occasionally.

I don't know why I wanted to do this, but I just felt like it. Screw being all smarty assed! Yea sue me for being mad. I can't be bothered hahaha.

So the thing I wanted to talk about today is how I always censor my messages to other people. I'm always thinking to myself if I added too many hahas or not enough smileys. And it's darn annoying. Like I probably decided this "wonderful" habit in response to people saying that I'm too formal in my smses. In the past, I was extremely formal even to my friends cause I didn't want them to think I'm stepping over the line.

See if you're over familiar, the person will be like: "What a creep!" but by being so formal, people probably thought the same thing too. Sob..

Yea so I changed for the better because I realised that the internet is a cold, unfeeling place that will make all your messages seem robotic. Hence, there's a need to add emoticons that although normal humans do not carry such emotions! Unless you have a rubbery face I guess.

But what the heck man! Even after changing, I still deliberate pretty long over my messages sometimes. Like I'm always worrying that I'm not sincere enough or I'm too cold or I'm being plain stupid or annoying or crazy or stupid or argh.

You know what? To all those who find my questions annoying, you can go and suck my imaginary @#$%%^! Please feel free to insert any words. I would prefer ice cream and I'm talking about real ice cream. Not some innuendo.

Okay so back to the point. I'm tired of treating messaging like it's some complicated Math problem. I just want to be me; a random lunatic that will probably stab you if I had the chance. Muahaha! No but seriously, it's tiring to always be on my toes. I always read too much into people's messages. When the reply is too short, I'll think: "OH NO! I MUST HAVE ANNOYED THE PERSON D;!" or "I DON'T DESERVE TO STEAL THEIR PRECIOUS TIME! I WILL SHUT UP NOW!"

Well, this was an extremely different blog post. 

Hooray another year for me to age and realise that time is passing by too fast.

No resolutions. Only the hope to be more positive.

Anyway, I went to a gathering yesterday and there was this 13 year old girl sitting in a corner using her ipad. She didn't even take a bite of the wonderful food in front of her. And lets just say that her face was comparable to a stormy night.

Apparently, this girl is a genius. Like a real genius. So I heard that she doesn't talk to her parents, but only talks to her genius friends in her genius class.

She sure sounds like a lovely girl.

My whole point about this story is how parents tend to feel that having a genius kid is like having heaven in your backyard? Yea or something similar to that. You get what I mean haha...So due to this mindset, many of them keep gushing about their kid to other parents. They exalt the kid, make the kid's ego swell, make the kid feel like the chosen saviour or some crap like that. Then bam! They realise the kid's socially awkward. The kid can't survive in society for all the brains he or she has.

Okay so there isn't really a clear point here but it's hard to explain.