I had a great dream about revenge sometime this week. I was so happy and I even thought that it was real haha.

The main point of the dream is that I finally gave that rich fool a piece of my mind about her. I totally humiliated her on the train and told her that I had been pretending to like her all along. I threw back at her the same knives she used to stab others.

Sigh if only that really happened. In reality though, I might have punched her. I can't forgive those who look down on the people I love. Forgive and forget? Life isn't so sweet. It's true that time can make us forget but forgiveness is another issue.

It's hard to be joyful when you see others stealing your dreams.

I have always been searching for the meaning in life. Always. And I'm still searching. Maybe I'll never be able to get out of this slump until I find the reason for existence.

I just don't understand what's the point of fighting for dreams. Fighting to live when everything will come crushing down someday. In the end, we are merely pawns. Yes, our whole life and existence is a lie. A intricate lie woven to make us delusional and think we are in control.

No but we can't control anything. Meritocracy is a fantasy. Reality never gives everyone the same starting point. Reality will never ever eliminate biasedness.

Some of us are born beautiful, some intelligent and some with special talents. So what does that make me? Is there a use for an average person other than being stepping stones? Why should I have to pave your way for success?  Why should I have to be the one to suffer while the elites are given differential treatment? Why should I not have the right to choose if I wish to be born.

Why do I even exist. I don't want to struggle in agony anymore. I don't want to struggle knowing that I can never be.

"Is life not magnificent?"
"That is because you bathe in light."
"You are wrong. I have studied the concepts of despair."
"No. The darkness you speak of is merely your shadow."
You will never know.