Happy Birthday. Your finally the same age as me.

I can't wait to get back home.Goodbye.

Painfully indifferent.

I went to the arcade yesterday. Something else happened in the morning. It made me feel abandoned. I was just being insecure.

I went out with a friend that I haven't talked to in a long time. It was really fun. I haven't had so much fun in a long time. Played Time Crisis 2, Blazing storm and some other games. I'm aiming to get the platinium card now. I improved in the shooter games, but I'm still lousy in car racing games.

After reaching home, I started to have a spiltting headache when I wanted to go to sleep. It was horrible. I couldn't fall asleep due to the pain and discomfort. Decided to make a cup of milk at 1:43am in order to fall asleep. It didn't work so I decided to look at the night scenery from the livivng room. I saw a lightning storm. It was really pretty. Tried to take a photo of it, but my lousy camera couldn't capture it.

I finally fell asleep when it was nearing five.

I hope that I can sleep peacefully tonight.

Beyond the call of duty.

What is your definition of a best friend?

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. All of you. Just shut up. I'm not some post-it note you can stick anywhere you want.

Don't take me for granted.

Shame.

God. I feel like crying.

My Physics feels like a hopeless cause. It's like trying to dig at concrete wall with my bare hands. My head hurts and I just want to run away and pretend. Pretend that it's all just nightmare

There's the saying that there is always the light at the end of the tunnel but right now, it's more of like the tunnel at the end of the light.

One of my friend has a phobia of school, also known as didaskaleinophobia. I used to have this phobia too, but it went away and I think that it's coming back.

Life is filled with uncertainties.
The only thing certain is that we have to face these uncertainties.

Take me away to a place
where sorrow never breeds.
Put me to sleep and
let me dream.

Take me away to a
land of joy and spring.
Bring me some smiles
so I will never weep.

Take me to a place
called no man's land.
And leave me to die so
I can say goodbye.

Life sure likes to kick me in the butt.

Religion.

It's like treading on thin ice.

Lost in the fervour of faith.

I forgot that there's an Social Studies time trial this coming week.

Shit. What else can I say?

Time for speed memory to kick in now.

If hope still survives.

It's stupid how people care about celebrities more than their friends.

Those celebrities don't even know you. To them, you are just another screaming franatic fan in the sea of insanity.

So wake up and live life as you should.

One last call goodbye.

I aplogise for my previous post.

I was being unfair to my parents.

Anyway, on to other things. I just found out today that Michael Jackson died yesterday.

One of the greatest artists of all time has died. All those who don't give a damn should slap themselves.

In memory of Michael Jackson(1958-2009)
May he find salvation from this reprise. His life was a success and a tragedy.
But his music shall stay and burn even brighter.

Another star has died,
So let the dawn bring hope.

I feel scared.

The upcoming mid-years really feel like judgement day to me. All the best I say.

I really don't understand why some people want to compete with me especially when they are friend. Does the rat race hold much more importance than a friendship?

Get a life you retards.

Sometimes, I feel that people who don't inquire are heartless.

Say "Ah".

Queen -- Bohemian Rhapsody with lyrics:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qe9PSliDG4M

Please go and listen to this song. It has a very unique style and it's one of the best songs I have ever heard. The lyrics are also very meaningful because it was written when the lead singer Freddie Mercury had AIDS. Furthermore, although he was a male, he wanted to be a female.

Although the band never revealed the meaning of the song, we can still infer from the lyrics. The songs from Queen that people of our age will be more familiar with is "We will rock you" and "We are the Champions".

Happy listening.

Every start is an end and yet,
every end is a start.

Tchaikovsky's Seranade for Strings movement 1:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=su5sA35TcR8

Please listen to it. It would mean alot for me.

What's the use of holding on when you're letting go?

(Deleted)

To a certain someone: I'm sorry for not being able to be there for you whenever you really need someone. But hang in there. And just so you know, even if your parents don't find you good enough, at least there are other people who feel that you are good. Maybe your parents feel that you can acheive much more than you are currently getting and thats why they want you to work harder. Who knows? Anyway, no matter what, your parents still love you.

(Deleted)

This is what we deserve but not what we need.

It's time to buck up. I can't go on living like this. It's time to find an aim in life and put in my all. I have to leave it all behind and get on with life.

I need to live.

But I'm dying and slipping out of the rat race. I'm falling and failing. Badly.

I have lost all of the confidence that took so long to accquire. Now it's all gone. Just like that. I don't have the confidence to score well anymore. I'm plagued by my past glories and bleak future.

One day, a friend asked me:

"Do you have depression?"

I wonder. Maybe I should go and take a medical examination.

Requiem for the soul.

I actually wrote this on Friday but I didn't publish it cause the post just felt so ridiculous afterwards. But yea, here it is. I'll probably remove it someother time. Or maybe not. It depends.

I have a whole bunch of tests next week. So what am i still doing here?

I firggin condemn myself.

I know that I'll probably regret saying this but don't give me birthday presents anymore. Unless you truly view me as an important part of your life. Otherwise, don't waste your money. Don't give me gifts just because you think that you are obliged to do so. Don't give me gifts thinking that it's going to warrant my charity for you. Cause it doesn't work that way. Please. I don't want any of you to feel regretful when you buy a present for me.

What is there to celebrate about my birthday? I'm just a nobody who's going to die many years later and leave behind no stain in history. Save your money to buy presents for other people cause their more important. I'm not important. I never was. Not to you. Not to her.

I remember that there was one time I told my section that if I ever found out that I had cancer, I would probably only let my family know. It's not worth it to tell other people cause they're not going to care and they will most likely forget about me once they start families of their own. In the end, I would have to fight it on my own.

Damn it. Why am I even writing this? What shit does it mean to people? Lord save humanity. This race of beings that have no empathy.

Redemption at the cost of loyalty.

Looks like I have been forgotten by you.

Sometimes, I wonder to myself if it was all a dream? And yet the reality crushes me in this state of detachment.

(Deleted)

It's time to forget what we had
for there is nothing left.

I saw Sky at the MRT station yesterday. It really surprised me. Her hairstyle is still quite similar to what she had in the past. I think that she was with her girlfriend.

Random fact:
I was writing testimonials yesterday night when I almost fell asleep so I decided to switch from classical music to Enimem. I don't know if it will have much of an effect though.

Zzzzz...

Today:

I have decided to be random and list the movies that I want to watch although I know that no one will bother to read it. Ha ha.

1) The Kite runner
2) The Dark Knight
3) The Reader
4) Brokeback Mountain
5) No Country for Old Men
6) Away from her
7) Valkyrie(tentative)
8) Milk

That's all I can think of for now. My head is spinning so I think that I should go to sleep now.I yearn for what I cannot have.

The stupidity of it all.

How much of the truth can you take before you break?

I never realised how petty she was. Until now. I never thought that things would come to this point and yet it has. It's best that we just live our seperate lives for I might just anger you again.

You've changed. So much. You used to be more hardworking and it was so much nicer to talk to you. But now, you just push the blame to me. It's as if you are scared of the responsibility. But in the end, I am the one who gets scolded not you. So why can't you understand my situation?

After all, I am the section leader and in the end, no matter what happens, I still have to take responsibilty. Sometimes, I wish to shout in your face. Just so that you will listen to me for once. But I respect you so I don't do that.

Am I the one who is being persistent now? Am I the one who walks away when something arises? Please think about you for once. Who is the one that has been apologising for what has happened?

In the end, I still give into you. For your pride is just too much. What use is there for an ego when it only brings about unhappiness?

I'm sorry for hurting you before. But are you?

Isn't that pig you?

Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwkuS9FlB7M

And here I am again,
Square one.

I'm not good enough.

I feel like I've been doing everything wrong up till now. And now, SYF is 1 month away. But all I can feel in my heart is despair. At the rate the band is going now, we can only get a sliver. And I'm not the one who said this. It was the conductor.

SYF is just one month away but we still sound like a total mess. Especially my section. Instead of improving. My section has been becoming worse ever since the seniors stepped down. The unity of the section, the standard of the section and the attitude of the section have all been going downhill since the seniors stepped down.

And I feel like I'm the only one fighting. But it's not enough. One person cannot fight for 5 people. It just won't work. To a certain extent, it is my fault because I'm not strict enough. I don't scold them enough nor do I express myself when I am angry. And look what has happened now? The section sounds like a piece of junk metal.

I feel so sad. I have destroyed the section which my seniors worked so hard for. I have disappointed everyone including myself. And the worst thing is that in the past, the french horn section used to be one of the strongest section but now, it's one of the most problematic section.

This despair, can it turn to hope?

It's time to start.

"It's been a long time coming."

I'm tired. I have a Physics test tomorrow. All the best. Ha.

She gets all the recognition. While I get all the blame.

Stop rubbing in your results in my face you arsehole. If you are so smart, why don't you go to Harvard University now? If you can score without listening to lessons, why don't you just quit school? I'm serious. Isn't it sad that a genius like you has to come to this crappy school? Why don't you just go and find a job in a research laboratory and earn big bucks now? I bet that you will surely win the noble prize man.

F*** you.

Salvation.

Save the souls from words which haunt
Kill the guns which know no Death
See the light which is the dark
Fallen shall we call for "Mercy"

Lost within our vices we cry
"O lord where is humanity?"
Rising from the depths of hell
We are but a slave to sin.

From whence did hope disintegrate?
Only to be filled with hate
Change. It's time for that we know
But fear, it keeps us in a cage

Limitations of the human brain
Why does He give so much pain?
Please we beg you, stop our rain.
All we ask is for some peace.

The final chapter.

Sometimes, I really feel like saying all the things I hurt you. But if I did that, I would be going against my own conscience and belief.

So I won't. And I'll just keep these thoughts inside of me till my sun sets.

Hey, please hear me out. Please stop leaving me behind. I just want a little more time from you and yet the more I want, the further we drift apart. Can you not see it? The seconds are ticking past and soon it will turn into years. By then, where will you be? Where will I be? Will it just end as it is?

I guess you're ok with the way things are. You've always been like this ever since I've known you. Why am I even trying. In the end, it's all a waste. And yet, I can't stop. Will anyone pull me out of this steep decline?

Lost in the world of yours.

(Deleted)

Living upon darkness which feeds on me.

River flows in me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1p_ebSseEq8&feature=related

For all that is worth, I am worth nothing at all.

I'll probably never feel the same way towards you ever again.

I want to watch the Dark Knight and The curious case of Benjamin Button's but I don't really have the time.

I'm in the mood to listen to really sad and depressing songs. Today, my Literature teacher said that it is said that people who are born during winter tend to be very depressed people and they also tend to die earlier than most people because of their character. And I realised that I'm actually born during winter(winter is during November, December, January, February). Wow. Looks like I better say goodbye to the world before it's too late.

I'm being so lame.

People in tropical countries seem to think that winter is fun. Ya right. Why don't you all try living in winter for four freakin months and tell me if you still like living in winter. In winter, it's always cold and wherever you go, the cold is always biting on your face and it is also harder to do vigorous activities during winter. During winter, the skies are overcast most of the time. Tell me, is that fun? And just what is so special about snow? It has taken away so many lives so is it such a wonderful thing? During winter, everything is just lifeless and dead.

Leave it all behind.
These feelings and emotions.

Take it all away.
These memories that haunt.

Push it all away.
These thoughts I have of you.

Keep it all aside.
These fantasies that plauge.

Throw it all away.
These regrets that have no reason to stay.

Let it all subside.
These emotions that are only for you.

Before it's all gone

The true winner of war is Death.

I feel really tired. My tiredness even shows in my speech(or my lack of speech).

(Deleted)

Run.
For your life.
(You coward)

Once again. I was unable to do anything.

Every single time, I am too late. And by the time I get past the crowd of people that surrounds you, it's already over.

I'm not good enough. I guess I never will be. There was no trust on your part to begin with. I was just living in my own dream and now, it's time to say goodbye.

But I can't.

If I let you go, it would be a lie to say that a part of me would not die. So please. Bear with me a little longer until I can stand on my own. Just a little longer and you'll be free. Just a little longer and I will put an end to the chapter I had in your story.

Even if reality says otherwise,
I still choose to believe you.

Forgive me for not updating properly for quite some time but it's only because my life is boring and uneventful.

Seriously, if I was to type out how my day went, it would be something like this:

I woke up at 8 plus.

My mother was still sleeping.

So I did'nt get out of bed.

My mother woke up some time later.

Then I decided to get out of bed.

It was 9.

I ate my breakfast.

Bread and milo.

My mother asked me why I woke up so early.

I said "Cause my natural body alarm asked me to wake up."

Then my mother said some other things.

Blah blah blah.

Finished my breakfast and washed the cup.

And my mother said "You better find your Physics assessment book and start your revision today!"

And I was like ok ok ok ok.

Then my mother plucked a white hair from my head.

It hurt.

Quite alot.

My mother must have a bad technique.

Then I brushed my teeth.

I realised that I still have'nt bought my schoolbooks.

So I told my mother.

And she was like"Where's the book list? Why did'nt you tell me yesterday?"

I forgot.

So I switched on the computer cause I needed to print out the book list.

My mother was still nagging.

Sigh.

I printed out the book list.

Then I went to my class portal.

Cause I needed to type my mother's email address in an excel file.

But it turns out that I could'nt.

):

So I went and looked at other people's blogs.

And my mother kept giving alot of ideas.

"Why don't you attach another file? Why don't you do this this this?"

I got irritated.

Then I regretted.

I signed in to MSN to ask other people.

Saw none of my classmates online.

@#$%

But I saw a friend.

Asked her about the emails I sent her.

There were problems so I had to resend two pictures.

Then she had to go offline.

Cause her sister was going to turn bitchy.

She said bye.

And I said bye.

Sent the remaining pictures to her via email.

Decided to blog while attaching the photos.

So here I am.

I'm going to do my homework later.

Damn.

Finally sent all the photos.

I feel tired.

It's 11.

So let the rain wash away our sins
for which we cannot bear.