I'm flying off to Japan today(:

Anyway, although Musical Evening was on the 21 of November, I shall blog about it today.

Firstly, I was FORCED to tie french braids this time. My Sec 4 and JC seniors practically forced me into the chair. And it was so embarassing cause the other people in the dressing room were looking at me and I was screaming like crazy when they wanted to pin up my fringe. I was screaming things like " Somebody call the police" or I would just be screaming "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". Furthermore, one of my JC seniors wanted to take a picture of me screaming like a maniac.

Then after my section mate finished tying the french braids, I quickly ran out of the dressing room because my Sec 4 senior was coming at me with a pin to pin up my fringe. My Sec 4 senior even asked some of the juniors in band to catch me but luckily, they were all kind hearted enough to not catch me. Afterwards, I hid inside a toilet and then they were all saying things like " I want to pee!". As if I'll believe that lie I mean there were other cubicles. In conclusion, this incident taught me that it is important to be fit so that you can run away from danger. Ha ha.

Anyway, this was the funny part. I shall type the rest of it some other time.

Do you belive in a thing called heaven?I wish for it.

I have lost all reason to be here.

I'm dying this very minute but no one bothers. I'm rotting and becoming the living dead.

When you see me again, I may have already gone.

Do you get what I mean?

Shit. I'm on my own tomorrow. I am the only top 4 that will be in band tomorrow. I'm so dead. Dead I tell you. Seriously, I have never been fully in charge of the band before. And I was only in charge of music and whatnot. Dead dead dead dead dead dead dead.

I'm going to die tomorrow.

So they say.

Why am I always the one to blame?

Why am I always the one in the wrong? Why am I always the one that is deemed as the criminal and why is everyone else always the victim? What about me? What about what you have done? Do you not see the many times you have made me the victim? So why is it that it is always you who is victimized? Why am I always the only one that makes mistakes? What about you? Why is it that no matter where I go, I am always the one who is condemned?

Maybe I should just disappear from this world. Maybe I should just go somewhere else where I can feel that I am needed. I'm tired of being the convicted. I'm sick of always being pushed away especially by those that I treasure. Why? Am I so hateful? Am I not good enough? No matter how hard I try, it always seems as if everyone will hate me in the end.

Stop rejecting me. Stop it stop it stop it. Why did you give me hope only to keep me trapped in desolation? Stop putting all the blame on me. I don't want this. Please just stop this pain because it's crushing me. I can't help but cry.

If I don't have a name, do I still have an identity?

I feel as if I am trapped in my own little world and I don't know it.

And I hate that. I hate being ignorant. I hate not knowing. I hate this and I can't stand it. I try so hard to be updated about what is going on around me and I still feel that I am ignorant.

I mean I don't understand some of the terms they use in the stock market and I don't read every single thing that I see on the newspaper.

Freaking hell, I'm a moron! I'm a moron! God, whats wrong with my brain! I can't do anything right! I'm living in my own little world and I'm not trying! I'm a freakin idiot! There's nothing I'm good at! I'm not street smart! I'm not celver! I'm not musically inclined! I'm not mature! I'm not terribly creative!

I'M NOTHING! I'M A FREAKIN NOTHING!

Nevermind, don't mind me. I'm just an IMH escapee.

This delusion, its called life.

I'm waiting for a bus.
It's a bus that might never come.
But I lay in hope as I watch the trees die.

I'm waiting for history to come
But the pages have already faded
And the dreams have burned to ashes.

I'm waiting for forgiveness
But it turns away from me.
And keeps me locked in desperation.

I'm waiting for the song
But it has died as paper and ink,
Unmoving to the colourless feelings that fall.

I'm waiting.
And I'll keep waiting.
Even when I am only marked by a stone.

And I said, wait.
But you kept running.
And I said, no.
But you were gone by then.

I'm blogging again but it's just to put up some songs that I really like.

Theme of friendship:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBldWt2gQcc&feature=related
Theme of rain:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeLhhEfyjvQ&feature=related
Theme of laura:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F13fv_tDgeY&feature=channel
You and I:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25i56AWtFqk&feature=related
Requim for a dream:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-RIlD0l9xs&feature=related

Please listen to these songs, they are really nice. Anyway, these songs are all piano songs.