I've been listening to lots club/dance music recently. It just feels nice to abandon my mind sometimes and sink into something else.

My current favourites are:

Fade into Darkness by Avicii


I like the ending of the video. My personal take on the video is that the girl can't stand to live in the light the guy gives. She slowly fades into darkness and destroys the final light.

There are some who live in the light and others who can only live in darkness. The darkness conceals and distorts and maybe only through this way can they see themselves as human again.

Just one last time by David Getta


I like the part when the guy crushes through the walls. I wonder if it's even possible though. This is true romance to me I guess. Wordless and more passionate than any vows or promises, a desire that grips the heart.

Anyway, there's this really funny video, you should watch it.

I could be the one by Avicii vs Nicky Romero

I'm not sure if other people can appreciate the humour though. Some people just like to act too naive and innocent. It's really annoying.

I decided to do the test for fun. No harm knowing more about myself and testing its accuracy haha.

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

And me being me, I decided to tweak the answers a bit to see how much the results would change:


Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Well the first one seems more accurate to me. Although the readiness to commit seems debatable.

Anyway, for any interested bypassers, here's the link: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

I seem to never fully remove myself from despair. Even though I've told myself to be positive, this despair taunts me and question why I even choose to be breathing.

I feel like I'm a shell. There is nothing substantial inside of me. Maybe that's why I'm always left behind. I really wonder what those people on Facebook do to have so many likes. What do they do that makes their life seem so exciting? What is it that they have as a human which attracts others to them?

Why can't I be one of those smiling silly idiots on Facebook?

I'm starting to question if I'm even taking the right course. Because if I am, why do I feel so empty inside?

There are days when I wish to reject everything around me. I just want to destroy this normalcy that we have created because this normalcy doesn't apply to me. I always feel different from others. I feel as though I'm lost in translation. It's as if everyone else on the planet has a common notice board except me. Sometimes, I don't even know if this me is an existence I have created myself or something molded by others.

People who have many friends always say how tiring it is but such people have never known what it is to be truly alone. It's as if you're stuck on another planet and no matter how much you scream, no one heeds you.

I plead for him to take me where he is
and return this life to another.

What if I said that my feelings have never changed?

Would you run from me? Or brush away these emotions?

Or would you give me a look of disappointment for pulling the skeletons out of the closet?

No matter your response, I only know that I am sorry.

Desperate whispers burn at the back of my throat. 

So yea my previous post might have offended any geniuses that came here to lower their IQ. Rest assured geniuses, I'm not talking about all of you, I'm talking about the really screwed up ones (Insert a mandatory big smiley here).

Okay I've decided to do a different style of posting. I'm just gonna post any crap that comes to my mind. Everything's gonna be uncensored. I'm going to be so frank. Yea no hidden messages and stuff. And when I mean uncensored, I mean there's gonna be SWEAR WORDS IN BIG CAPS. Okay so maybe not. But there may be some occasionally.

I don't know why I wanted to do this, but I just felt like it. Screw being all smarty assed! Yea sue me for being mad. I can't be bothered hahaha.

So the thing I wanted to talk about today is how I always censor my messages to other people. I'm always thinking to myself if I added too many hahas or not enough smileys. And it's darn annoying. Like I probably decided this "wonderful" habit in response to people saying that I'm too formal in my smses. In the past, I was extremely formal even to my friends cause I didn't want them to think I'm stepping over the line.

See if you're over familiar, the person will be like: "What a creep!" but by being so formal, people probably thought the same thing too. Sob..

Yea so I changed for the better because I realised that the internet is a cold, unfeeling place that will make all your messages seem robotic. Hence, there's a need to add emoticons that although normal humans do not carry such emotions! Unless you have a rubbery face I guess.

But what the heck man! Even after changing, I still deliberate pretty long over my messages sometimes. Like I'm always worrying that I'm not sincere enough or I'm too cold or I'm being plain stupid or annoying or crazy or stupid or argh.

You know what? To all those who find my questions annoying, you can go and suck my imaginary @#$%%^! Please feel free to insert any words. I would prefer ice cream and I'm talking about real ice cream. Not some innuendo.

Okay so back to the point. I'm tired of treating messaging like it's some complicated Math problem. I just want to be me; a random lunatic that will probably stab you if I had the chance. Muahaha! No but seriously, it's tiring to always be on my toes. I always read too much into people's messages. When the reply is too short, I'll think: "OH NO! I MUST HAVE ANNOYED THE PERSON D;!" or "I DON'T DESERVE TO STEAL THEIR PRECIOUS TIME! I WILL SHUT UP NOW!"

Well, this was an extremely different blog post. 

Hooray another year for me to age and realise that time is passing by too fast.

No resolutions. Only the hope to be more positive.

Anyway, I went to a gathering yesterday and there was this 13 year old girl sitting in a corner using her ipad. She didn't even take a bite of the wonderful food in front of her. And lets just say that her face was comparable to a stormy night.

Apparently, this girl is a genius. Like a real genius. So I heard that she doesn't talk to her parents, but only talks to her genius friends in her genius class.

She sure sounds like a lovely girl.

My whole point about this story is how parents tend to feel that having a genius kid is like having heaven in your backyard? Yea or something similar to that. You get what I mean haha...So due to this mindset, many of them keep gushing about their kid to other parents. They exalt the kid, make the kid's ego swell, make the kid feel like the chosen saviour or some crap like that. Then bam! They realise the kid's socially awkward. The kid can't survive in society for all the brains he or she has.

Okay so there isn't really a clear point here but it's hard to explain. 

During sociology lecture, the lecturer said that many cultures present flowers to the dead. She said that  it could be due to the fact that flowers are a symbol of the cycle of life. They die and bloom again with each season in a continuous cycle.

I disagree though. Maybe that's one of the reasons. However, the flowers that are presented are those which are on the verge of death. These flowers can never bloom again. I feel that these flowers show the end of a journey. The cycle has been broken and it is a point of no return. Of course, people who believe in reincarnation would disagree. But even if you reincarnated, the life you lead would be different. Your identity is different. I just can't see this as the repeat of a cycle.

The first thing that came to my mind when I thought of flowers was how fragile life is. Life is so easily taken away and so short. The flower is the prettiest at it's peak and never reaches that same peak again.

Some nights, I start thinking of the sequence of life and no matter where I start, I end up with death. The thought of death freezes me. It's scary to think that at that moment I become nothing more than a corpse. I become a figment of memory and imaginations. I am not me anymore. My body and mind are seperated.

And I start to think of my family and friends leaving me. At the single point between life and death, you know that they are forever departed. That is what forever is. It's not found in love or you gender or status. It's found in death. Death is forever. Forever in our genes. Forever chasing us, stealing from us. 

The absolute fate imprinted in us all.