How could you

I have nothing to say to you except this.

You up there in your silver tower,

lament about sorrows of a five year old child.

And as you bawl, this silver tower of yours grows taller,

feeding on your decorative tears.

Now, you can't even see me down on earth.

Somedays, I wish I was a normal girl.

Yet, there are days when I'm proud of being an unconventional girl.

The contradictions of being human.

The days when I reject my nature is painful. True, there's no point in rejecting who I am, but it's hard when people speak ill of you.

Makes me just want to hide away.

But hiding away creates the problem of loneliness. Loneliness and being alone, they're different. After saying all this, I guess I just want some validation for being who I am from those who mock.

The days when I don't care are blissful.

Its amazing how many drafts I have in my blogger account.

I guess it goes to show the conflicts in my head.

Should I or should I not?

With the "life threatening" exam looming over me, my mind is filled with unnecessary thoughts.

I wonder if I should send you a message but rejection stops my finger from pressing send.

So the message lies there.

Waiting..waiting...

Fearing the pain of rejection, you turn your back on what could have been and choose to discard, thinking that you have obtained.

In reality, you are still at the same spot.

But it's alright for your happy.

It doesn't matter how many people you stomp on as long as happiness is yours. Because it's your life.

For ignorance is the panacea of misery.

Like a cowardly mice, you hide in that mousehole of yours,

Keeping your heart locked in a tight little chest.

Dear mice, how does one breath like that?

The grains of sand sparked and ignited

As days pass, the heat grows, giving new life

With a fresh breath of oxygen, the sand turns to glass

Though blurry in this new beginning, the glass reaches a red hot intensity

Finally, a nearly crystalline glass is borne

How pretty it is.

Yet just like that it breaks so easily,

But the memories of its birth remains.

In those jagged pieces that cut so painfully;

A creully nostalgic reminder of the remainder.

Ignorance the ecstasy pill.

Looking at those photos of yours makes me wonder if a rift has come between us.

Am I over analysing things again?

It's funny, but I'm insecure. I always perceived our bond to be strong, but even the strongest bonds can whither away. Memories and emotions fade with time.

I've just become a friend you dislike but forgive me will you? I'm human too and there are times when uncertainties in life get to me.

I know of who you were and

not what you are.

Cause nothing's absolute.

It ended on 4th May, yet the feeling of sadness only hits me now.

After looking at other people's successes, I can't help but lament at the result. I was hoping that I could at least end my last SYF with a bang. Somehow, I feel as if I wasted my time practicing five times a week only to get this result.

I'm tired. Tired of music. Tired of this unpredictable snare. Time and time again, music betrays me but I always come to love it again.

This time though, I'm utterly shattered. It hurts to know that this piece of music which we crafted wasn't good enough. And though the composer liked the way we played his piece, it seems as though the other judges didn't enjoy it as much.

Nowadays, when I play music, I don't feel anything. I'm disconnected and I don't think I'll ever be one with music again. At least not for now.

Spent ashes.