It ended on 4th May, yet the feeling of sadness only hits me now.

After looking at other people's successes, I can't help but lament at the result. I was hoping that I could at least end my last SYF with a bang. Somehow, I feel as if I wasted my time practicing five times a week only to get this result.

I'm tired. Tired of music. Tired of this unpredictable snare. Time and time again, music betrays me but I always come to love it again.

This time though, I'm utterly shattered. It hurts to know that this piece of music which we crafted wasn't good enough. And though the composer liked the way we played his piece, it seems as though the other judges didn't enjoy it as much.

Nowadays, when I play music, I don't feel anything. I'm disconnected and I don't think I'll ever be one with music again. At least not for now.

Spent ashes.