Tears tearing through the emptiness.

Everyone else warms towards one who is a stranger. Yet towards the ones in their lives, they are content to look on apathetically.

It's all so hollow. So empty. Walking in the opposite direction, daring a glance back, no one notices. As everyone clamours towards the stranger, this emptiness grows.

Nothing. That's my existence. Indifferently existing to everyone else. Unnoticeable, an apathetic being filled with anguish. Oh the irony.

Going about their lives like bees in a hive, I can't speak for the wrong end of the bees is an excruciating sting.

And all I can do is cry. In this pathetic space of my empty mind.

Put on repeat. Again and again.
Surely someday, I will be tired of the pain.

One never knows the pain in the other. Everyone holds things differently in their head. Things which seem minute to one could be poison to another.

Sometimes, certain things happen and I feel as though a part of me dies. I feel a cog in my system fall out of it's tracks. As time passes, and with much fiddling, I place the cog back where it was. Everything runs smoothly. But somehow, there's something off. Something's wrong and I can't put a name to it.

No one can see it, nor can I see their system of cogs. Using words to explain our feelings, it's never adequate.

Missing each other, Fumbling to find the other and missing again. Saying the wrong words in the midst of trying to understand or saying nothing at all.

What is reflected in your eyes? What image of me do you see.

Little birdy can't fly as high as those other birdies
But Little birdy can't fly as low as those little birdies.

Little birdy is flummoxed.
Those birdies ask him why.
Why Little birdy why! Why can't you fly! As high as we can soar!
Why Little birdy why!

Little birdy doesn't know
And hides within his wings.
He scrambles to pacify, but bumbles and fumbles .

Oh foolish Little birdy.

Sometimes it gets so tiring.

If only I could take a pill and forget it all. Forget about certain people. Especially those that left me. If I could I would forget about these people/ These people who hurt me while selfishly protecting themselves.

I wish to forget and start on a new footing without ever meeting these people. Then maybe, my heart can be whole again. All my time and effort put into these relationships, if only I could take it back.

Give me back those pieces of my heart you took. It's not for people like you.

Maybe it was never friendship to start with.

I know I should call out and say something.

But the feelings overwhelm me, leaving me like a mute fool staring at the figure diminishing in the horizon. I have so much to say but none seem to matter at this moment. I can only feel the feelings crashing in a jarring symphony.

With all these thoughts and emotions, I am left feeling empty. The torrential signals within me roots me in a state of lost. What should I feel now. What do I do.

Don't close the door.
How am I to know which path you go beyond that.
The door, it's locked.
The door, it's hinge less.
...the door..

Deep in the depths, I sink deeper into its cold icy arms. A place where the sun doesn't reach, it doesn't matter whether my eyes are open or closed.

In this place, tears are no different from the body of water which surrounds.

Been listening to this song. My favourite lines are these: "You got that medicine I need. Dope, shoot it up, straight to the heart please"

 

I can't remember. Those forgotten drawings. The reason why. I can't remember.

Unfinished pieces of me. Jarring and incomplete. Always incomplete. No matter how many strokes I add, I can't fill up the gap.